There is so much I want to do and create, and the truth is, my physical energy just isn’t there so much of the time.
I’ve made a lot of “progress” in my health, and still, I struggle constantly with not having energy. With fatigue. And that creates a cycle for me of fear – because I get anxious about what would happen if I couldn’t work at all…
I don’t know where this will go – but I’ve been temped to write more about my inner journey as a creative entrepreneur that includes theses challenges. Not to complain or seek pity – NO!
I feel happy and grateful everyday AND frustrated by how no matter what I do to find a “cure”, I still never feel really GOOD physically, not that often.
Chronic lack of energy is like trying to live under water, or move against a current. That is even more exhausting. This morning, I just cried about it out of frustration.
When I write and create, I feel better — when I share and connect, even more so.
But what to share?
I do love reading blogs that share the challenges involved in whatever the person is doing…so I wonder…how can I do more of that and if so, what do people really want to read from me?
I’d love your help brainstorming
Thanks for listening and for your input on this.
You can help me brainstorm what to write / what to share / what you would be interesting in reading. Share your ideas in the comments.
I’d rather not make the comments about medical/healing advice or ideas – at least here on this thread. That’s a separate issue, so we’ll save it for the topic of remedies or something like that.
//
Notes from my journal:
Right now, we’re having a monsoon in Oaxaca City, and the smell of earth mixed with rain, and the sound of pounding rain soothes me.
Right now I’m letting go of my desire for MORE (as in energy), and just letting myself enjoy the energy that is here right now…taking all of this into the studio with me.
Devotion is what I am trying to write about today, after being awake most of the night in lucid dreams about you- the people I am connected with online.
Thought to take a snap of my writing space, there are mini altars like this everywhere in my home. Even the bathroom, a temple of letting go.
Devotion. It’s how I’ve always felt about writing and art and making a livelihood out of making a difference for the things I care about.
Devotion. It’s how I’ve pursued healing and all the strange journeys and seeming detours the pursuit of wholeness took me on.
28 comments
Lisa, Appreciate your words from your heart . . . I had quite a dark January . . . your lovely daily posts would come in like drops of water on a very dry dry desert. I appreciated each day and saved them . . . it’s like when I look out my kitchen window when I hear the children racing to get to school before the first bell or simply skipping on the sidewalk with a couple of friends . . . thank you for these anchors in a dark January. I appreciate the reminders of hydration, appreciation, checking into my heart and soul energy and then coming out to play with a refreshed and stronger attitude. . . feeling like Persephone is coming out of the depths of the dark underworld and that the light of SPRING is about to en LIGHTEN all of us. . . happy to hear of your successes, this made my heart smile! THANK YOU for all your creative energy so generous shared, you are precious for this. Please know that your posts have been like manna from heaven for me in January. Bless you!
Lisa,
Thank you for having the courage to share what you’ve been dealing with. I have benefited from the insights shared from the commenters above.
I too have been dealing with some issues that have affected by energy levels. I’m getting better. One thing that I don’t think anyone has mentioned is the importance of NOT comparing your work output to anyone else no matter what. When I do that, especially at a time like this, I just feel worse.
Blessings to you,
Jodi
here are some topics I’d like to know about:
the tools you recommend, brand, type and why. i spend so much money on tools, markers, etc, and then it sits around.
What do you do with finished art that you like enough, so a drawer won’t do, but you won’t be selling it either?
I get hung up on making art for art’s sake. I can do this in writing, so i have tons of papers and journal all over the pace. Adding more with art in them too, won’t change that messay fact.
Will you be putting out an updated or revised edition of The Creative Entrepreuner in the future? I don’t know that it needs updating, just wondering, as I haven’t bought it, but it comes to mind now and then. I looked at it once when it came out and it didn’t fit me at that time, but I’ve changed and so has my business. So maybe now? comments on your book’s use and who it’s for etc.
Photos of your alters. I have one, but now that you’re mentioning it, I have 2. One upstairs and the other down. They didn’t start out that way but indeed they are. Oh- I have another tiny one by my meditation spot that sprang up spontaneously. This is funny even to me. Journaling in the comment box is enlightening- yeah for journaling!!!
Do you prefer to make art with a message that you know beforehand, or do you come up with it afterward and make art as a free flow? I can do both, but prefer the former, even if I completely change my mind as I’m making it. What’s your thoughts on this?
Enjoy the Monsoons- they are a favorite experience for me when I’m lucky enough to be where they occur.
oh and as I share the house with my husband it has never occured to me to have mini alters around the place, I have only had one. Even when I lived on my own, that might be something to think about
thank you for this post Lisa, you know from my email to you a while ago that this is something I struggle with too.
I struggle with not taking on so much client work, so that I can do more of my work, my own creative practice
I think there is something around trust and faith that things will work out and we don’t have to push quite so much – another commenter said a simillar thing I think.
I am learning to trust myself and my work, but it is a difficult process – would love to hear your htoughts on this
Jen
I would love to read about your personal journey. I also suffer from chronic fatigue, and the whole ambiguous rigimroll that is associated with it. It is super hard. I would love to read a memoir type book describing what you have experienced.
Good luck with it all!
Dear Lisa,
I am so sorry that you have this fatigue going on-sometimes it seems endless doesn’t it? Most of us have wondered how on earth we will even put one foot in front of the other at times and it all just seems too much to take on. Please write about whatever moves you-your tribe just wants to hear from you (if you’re up to it, of course) about anything or everything-really it doesn’t matter. I just love seeing your name in my inbox.
MMMmmmmmmmm….I can smell that rain. I used to live in Africa and miss the magnificent thunderstorms and the steaming earth afterwards. Here in England we get grey drizzle-enough to depress even the most stalwart of us. I fight not to sink into the gloom.
Best wishes for a magnificent recovery and a permanent feeling of health and wellbeing,
Rene.
Gosh, so many people around the world with the same problem …. I find I keep ploughing on and then suddenly find I’m running on empty. It is so empowering to read how open you are about this … I tend to keep the bright smile side of me on view in my blogs and then don’t write on the days I can’t muster that smile.
I’d love to read more about your altars – I’d like to create ritual of some sort in my life without touching into organised religion. Is that Qwan Yin beside your laptop in the picture.
Enjoy the monsoons – I love the picture one of the comments above has of you dancing in the rain:) Got the smile going …
Best wishes from Ireland
Fil
Hi – I had to struggle with fatigue as a math teacher. Sometimes I could not prepare what I would teach he next day because teenagers had drained me so much. So I developped two things : TRUST that I would be able to work the minimum amount required, so that I would allow myself to have rest first without feeling guilty – and also, I was forced to IMROVISE a lot and discovered that as long as I respond to what happens in the classroom the course can be more productive than whatever I would have prepared. So I know the theme I want to teach and I have become better at improvising something on the flow, with what I have from last year or from a book. BUT because I take care of myself, I can drive the course better when I am totally on for the course that if I had stayed awake working at night (which can lead to nightmares in the classroom).
So TRUST and IMPROVISATION, responding to the moment instead of working too much ineffectively.
Also : did you try tools for empath ? Is the fatigue really yours or do you get stuck in low energies that are not yours, from the internet or surrounding or from the films you watch, or from the news ? I clean my energy field everyday because I take on too much of what is around me. I select very carefully whatever I watch or listen to.
To develop trust I started praying and asking questions to my inner guidance. When I don’t have too much time to work she gives me the priorities and while doing so she gives me the energy to take the first step and not worry about the other stuff.
Hi Lisa
From your friend in South Africa. You certainly do have many who share in this condition and I too suffer. Thank you for sharing. You are a great role model to me ever since I did Dreaming on Paper and no matter what other workshops I do I always come back to you. I also find that I have the most energy when I am creating or coaching an ideal client. When my energy is very low I try to sleep, especially when I have brain fog and neck pain. I am fortunate to work from home and can manage my own hours. As a life coach I have spent much time working through the shame and negative beliefs around this and mostly do well in this area. When the thoughts come I find I am able to challenge and deal with them quite quickly. They are so self-defeating and just perpetuate our condition. I feel worse when I have been through a particularly stressful time and this can last up to two weeks. I would love to hear anything you share on this topic. I agree with what everyone else has said about what they would like to hear. It is not easy by any stretch of the imagination.
So appreciate that you are addressing this – thank you!
Its been a lifelong struggle for me too. Right now I am working with the intention to just be with it – to let go of trying to change it or fix it. To breathe space into the places in my body that are noticeably fatigued or tense – to make space for whatever feelings might be there and to just BE with what emerges, to stay in witnessing and somatic awareness of what’s happening in the moment. To stop trying to be any different than I am in the moment – this has bearing on a lot of issues for me. In a paradoxical way, its a lot of work to stop trying to fix it, but I think a lot of that is cultural expectations and superego. Its kind of like a Chinese finger puzzle – the more I try to fix my low energy, the more stuck I get. When I’m able to surrender, the flow returns.
Looking forward to whatever insights emerge from your explorations and your other readers.
I have been plagued with ongoing fatigue since being abducted by a combination of identifiable and unknown viruses 20+ years ago. I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences related to discernment of what may be going on when what energy you have evaporates. I struggle with deciding/accepting if the energy is gone at this moment due to true fatigue (which for me requires sleep and rest) or is it gone because of something I am feeling or trying to avoid feeling. Am I tired or am I depressed? Am I exhausted because I am afraid? They can look and feel much the same.
Another area I’d like you to share about is what this post began to touch on: the grief and sadness about the dreams and hopes deferred, or put aside permanently, just because there is not enough energy to make them happen and still sustain the basics of staying alive. And about what new dreams took their place, and why. And about dealing with the oh too realistic fears of what may happen if a downward energy spiral keeps heading down.
I also find it helpful to hear about the strategies that help you survive the periods of no energy as well as the things you do (not medical/curative…I mean the heart and soul-supporting things that sustain you) that help maintain your energy, in more detail than the broad brushstrokes of doing something creative. And how you balance and decide which of all the things that need your energy get to partake of the limited supply.
I think those of us who struggle with fatigue are the canaries in the coal mine, warning the world that the environment and the pace of life we are expected to maintain is toxic and cannot sustain life. Yet I still feel at times shame over not being able to “keep up” or manage keeping all the balls in the air and plates spinning that most people seem to be able to do. I’d like to hear of that is an issue for you and how you deal with it. That’s probably quite enough for one comment!
Hi Lisa,
It has been strangely energizing for me to read your post and to contemplate my answer. I have lately been feeling very revved up (in my mind and spirit) with the work in the facilitator course but have been physically absent due to bone-numbing fatigue, worse than usual. It somehow boosted my ability to create tonight by reading your post and some of the responses. I agree with you that discussion about remedies is most helpful elsewhere; I am interested in how to maintain a consistent creative practice amidst the fatigue that threatens to consume me. I’m also interested in how others respond to folks who make comments/questions like, “You don’t look sick,” or “What’s wrong with you anyway?” (One day I will make a page with the responses I REALLY want to say 😉 One of the things I know for sure is that creating makes me feel better. One of the things I don’t know is how to get to the studio, or bed, or table, and begin when the fatigue is extreme. Thank you for continuing to spread inspiration; I’m sure feeling it tonight, and I appreciate the work you do.
Lisa,
I understand your struggle with fatigue. I find for myself that if I’m feeling tired or depleted, it often means I’ve dealt with conflict but haven’t released any negative emotion related to it. So I try to use my journal and prayer/meditation for that much needed release. Plus I paint it out and play in my art journal. For some reason, that makes me feel better. I think it’s important to validate our emotions and feelings and nurture our souls.
Topics that would be great:
Ways to Nurture Yourself from the Inside Out
Ways to Honor Yourself as Artist or Creative person
I’m always interested in anything journaling related, so sharing your journal journey through this issue of fatigue would be fabulous. That I would share with my #JournalChat Audience.
Thanks for sharing from your heart.
Authenticity is always appreciated.
Be refreshed,
Dawn Herring
Just thanks for sharing! And no, you are not alone in this matter, looking at the replies and knowing about my own life. I love reading your posts and journaled together with your/the tribe twice. Know that your work of art, your inspiration, and most of all you as a far away friend mean the most to me here in the Netherlands.
Love,
Fenna
It sounds like from the comments thus far that you are not alone with this issue. I’ve been struggling too but have mostly stayed away from the topic on my blog because I get too many recommendations that I’ve already tried, which makes me feel worse because I’ve “failed” at recovery. Here are a few ideas for posts:
– ways to make the most of the time you do have energy
– rewards for progress on projects to celebrate what you do
– ways of working when you are feeling so low you don’t believe you can do anything
Some people advise that you should rest, fill the well so to speak at such times. I think of the rewards being that piece but believe you need to do something on your projects regardless of how you feel, no matter how small. When I don’t, I feel even more depleted.
Good luck with this!
I can so totally relate to this and I appreciate so much that you are discussing this issue. I’ve learnt that feeling overly tired and ‘lazy’ or lethargic are real shame triggers for me (See Brene Brown for more on that). I have had low levels of energy for as long as I can remember. I struggle with getting up early, I often feel like I need a nap during the day (despite a full night’s sleep). I try to eat well, exercise, take vitamins etc but I always feel low on energy. Along with working and having a dog/partner (no kids yet but I imagine that will be challenging!) I find it tough to also find the time to run my blog and do my creative work. I’m really interested in learning how to make the most of the creative energy that I do have, so that I can be creatively productive in those moments. I often feel overwhelmed by all the ideas I have, but not having enough energy, then when I do have some energy I don’t know where to start!! So advice about focusing and using that little energy well. Look forward to hearing more about this! 🙂
Yes, I agree with all of the responses thus far; hearing about how you are navigating this energy issue is helpful. Mini altars abound in my home too…they do help with focus and intention setting for me.
The emotional impact that running out of ‘steam’ physically before I can complete creative projects that are important to me is the biggest hurdle I am facing. I have become afraid to start things….what if I can’t ever finish? For me this is a huge fear….
Prayers and thanks….may your healing continue….thank you for your honest, brave sharing.
Linda Smith
To me, it seems (from the outside of course) that you do so much!! all the moves and creative enterprises. I myself always feel tired though so I know what you mean. I think it is good to acknowledge each day what we’ve done. And then say “I am satisfied and that is enough.” And idea I read in a book about women who do too much. You are so young and to my view full of life and energy. So is that a contradiction? That to an outsider you seem busy and full of energy, but inside of you you feel tired and not so good. It’s curious.
Lisa, I would love to hear about how you are able to get so much done and maintain clarity of purpose while dealing with low energy? Also, how do you deal with committing to a workload when you have little energy? I’ve been dealing with chronic fatigue and muscle tension for over a decade and I know it can be frustrating, even depressing, to make plans when you can’t count on having the energy to follow through. My energy comes when I feel connected to a project and then disappears again suddenly. It is so hard for me to give my body the rest it needs without feeling guilty for not being as productive as the people around me. How do you manage all of these emotions?
Hi Lisa,
I have been inspired by you since I first picked up the Creative Entrepreneur. I would love to hear how you plan / organize: for your day, season, year – projects and otherwise. I always love hearing how all kinds of people (especially those who acknowledge themselves as creative) find the balance between planning and going with the flow. For me, it is always a bit of a balancing act. Sending you healing thoughts and I honor your just being with this energy right here right now.
Thank you Lisa for being open and sharing your struggles with us. I am looking forward to hearing more about how you and others work through the lack of energy. I have been struggling for the past few years with a lack of energy also. It is hard because I am a sole business owner and single mom. This week I am allowing myself to take a much needed break and head out of town to visit with friends. Usually a change of scenery helps energize me again.
Blessings – Kim
I deal with this issue too: lack of energy and the fears that go with it. As a reader, I would like to hear more about this. I would also like to hear about (unusual) ideas that help to gain and sustain creative energy.
I appreciate how you share what’s really going on with you.
I appreciate the thought-provoking dialogs you start, and the sparks of ideas that are lit within me when I read your posts and the comments readers share.
These days, it seems like we are pressured into pasting on smiles and saying “All is fine and dandy!” This ostrich approach can “fine and dandy” us into an early grave.
Staying positive is great, but not if it sends us into denial.
Staying positive while continuing to seek solutions seems wise to me.
I don’t always succeed in the staying positive bit. Sometimes the lack of energy takes the positivity down with it. But I am always astounded by the difference a day can make in changing my attitude.
Anyway, I look forward to hearing more!
Meanwhile, I’m picturing you dancing in monsoon rains in a Frida Kahlo-style dress…
Here are some brainstorming questions that have come in via email:
I would love to hear you discuss work setup… Do you have multiple or mini studios like one beside your bed?
Do you drop everything when you do feel energetic to create…
How do you balance other household todos with creating since you are on limited amount of time.
Lisa,
Based on what the Survivors registered at the Art For Arachnoiditis Project have said that they need….I write about some of these same challenges and the solutions and processes I have found (including YOUR work and inspiration) in one of my Creative Non-fiction posts here: http://artforarachnoiditis.org/category/creative-non-fiction/
… Maybe these topics/categories will be useful as a starting point for things that you can add to your offerings…
and some stuff about my multiple work stations as Reasonable Accommodations here: http://artforarachnoiditis.org/2014/06/29/rehabilitation-recovery-for-arachnoiditis-survivors/
Lisa- I hope you feel better and I can totally relate based on my own health history of Fibro/CFS . If you haven’t already please make sure to take a look at this site of Dr. Teitelbaum, I had very good success over time tapping into many of his suggested protocols, etc. He sells a line of supplements but makes no personal monies which I really like. All the best, Tom http://www.endfatigue.com/resources/
Food Matters TV [ fmtv.com ] is now having a free series of movies and Q&As that may be of interest to you: the first movie, The Connection, is about the body and mind connection and ways that folks have overcome various body-ills.
Dear Lisa: I always love to hear/read about the authentic inner journey of artists and was moved by your post today. Authenticity is a core value that I highly appreciate and respect. May your list of affirmations in the midst of what is deeply sustain you. Warm Blessings in every way, Christy