Move, a one-minute film by Rick Mereki, gives me a visual way to think about the all the roads I’ve traveled so far, around the world and in my inner life.
And this is helping me weave sense and story out of those paths not taken. Read: the ways I’ve felt like a big, fat failure.
Let me explain.
For days now, I’ve been struggling with how to share something new I’ve been writing about.
It’s about the spiritual hunger behind my drive to travel, make art, make my own living as an artist that got me here, “living my dream”.
It’s about wrestling with doubt and feeling like a failure for all the paths I didn’t take along the way. Like not having a regular job, steady paycheck, resume, husband, family, kids, long term residence, car, peer group, etc.
I’m struggling with how to write about what I’ve been writing.
Clarity is forming, but only in the blank pages of my sketchbook. My pages filling with mind maps, lists, and rough sketches of timelines that only make sense to my eye.
This is the part of keeping a sketchbook that I always recommend my students keep private. That I’ve repeated this so often in class this past month reveals a truth: I’m teaching what I need to hear / remember / do most right now.
So I’m going to go back to my mind maps, structure, and narrative planning while you watch Rick Mereki’s one minute around-the-world video.
There is something in this little movie that is helping me write (in the privacy of my sketchbook, first).
The beauty of this film, for me, isn’t so much that the filmmaker traveled 38,000 miles through 11 countries to make it.
The beauty is in the editing. How the story is told (without words, even!) by fitting the scenes together.
The beauty I always see is in the creative process. The product may be good, it may be great, but it’s the process that I’m most in love with.
That’s how I always feel about other artist’s work.
So the big take away here is: How can I allow myself to feel that way about my own work?
Loving and appreciating the process (including not easily being able to say what I want to say about it) more than the products or outcomes?