I’ve actually been wanting to share this journal page for awhile, but I kept thinking…nah. Too morbid.
People don’t want morbid.
But after talking to Ken last night, and him mentioning that he is reading a powerful book, Dying To Be Me: My Journey from Cancer, to Near Death, to True Healing by Anita Moorjani, I took out this page of the sketchbook and showed it to him on Skype, and read him the message.
It’s a page from my visual journal / sketchbook circa February 2001. The text is from a dream I had, where there was a voice speaking directly to me. Offering guidance. One of those fax-from-the-Universe moments. (It was the time of fax machines.)
I woke up in a lucid state, writing down the message.
What are you dying to do?
If you are dying to do something you should start doing it NOW.
Otherwise, a pattern of illness will have life in you, unseen, until it manifests later — (as a surprise).
If you are dying to do something and DON’T, it will surely kill you.
Get started right away.
Go to the community center. They have supplies. You can make a start immediately.
What you are dying to do is a potent force.
It cannot WAIT, will not WAIT until “later”.
If you think you don’t have Time now, that is exactly what you will manifest in the future.
Your body will take you seriously.
What are you dying to do, that you are not doing?
Ken said, “Yeah, that’s what she’s saying in this book.”
Here are some close ups of the page:
The image is of an ancient burial urn found in the pages of an old National Geographic. It was an image that leapt out for the page, even before I read the fine print to see what it was.
This dream, and this page, was the start of a big journey of healing for me, circa 2001-2002, which I am slowly shaping into a visual memoir.
How about you?
What are you dying to do?
If you want to reframe it you could say: What am I eager to be doing more of?
What are you not doing, want to be doing, wish you were doing, more of?
My answer to my own question:
I am eager to be doing more:
art dates with friends
sipping of tea with kindred friends
international travel (I know!, can’t get enough!)
facilitation of in-person creative adventure workshops for women who want to travel with a purpose but don’t want to go alone and aren’t into tours either. Women like me who are introverted, yet adventurous. Craving the culture of the world…wanting a way to experience it with a very small group of other women in a way that feels inspiring, not draining.
designing of dresses, even though I don’t sew
sewing on paper and making handmade sketchbooks
eating of vegetables
walks through global bazaars and flea markets with my camera and sketchbook
hanging out in cafes and people watching as I write in my sketchbook
focusing on what I want, and turning away from what I fear…